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An area that’s fraught with false accusations of sexual abuse or sexual misconduct is the aftermath of relationships. When a relationship ends, it’s a very tense and messy time for all parties. Sometimes there is infidelity by one or both partners, leading to numerous accusations of misconduct—domestic violence, sexual misconduct, and often misconduct towards children, whether it’s child endangerment or child abuse. There are also issues related to property division, and sometimes significant financial interests are at stake.
People can lie. Absolutely. Emotions are really high in these cases, and we see all kinds of accusations flying. One area where we see the greatest number of accusations—and we’ll talk about that first—is child custody. Isn’t that where we see the most?
Roland: Yeah, I agree with you, William. I think nowadays a well-educated person with internet access can very easily figure out that the “nuclear option” they have available for winning whatever they want in court, at least temporarily, is to allege that the other person has done something inappropriate sexually—either to themselves or, more importantly, to the child.
There’s a very problematic presumption in family law cases that favors awarding custody to the victim. This means that if one spouse alleges that they are a victim at the hands of the other spouse, or that their child is a victim, the alleged victim gets custody of the children. This happens virtually every time in family court.
This results in protective orders being issued, with the other parent being entirely removed from the child’s life. It becomes much easier to manipulate and brainwash the child, influencing their potential testimony not only in family court but also in criminal cases, where someone like you or I might get involved.
William: Absolutely. These accusations often turn out to be false, but while they’re ongoing, they’re incredibly hurtful to the family, the kids—everyone involved. As we’ve discussed before, any accusation is almost impossible to disprove simply by saying, “I didn’t do it.” Most of these accusations lack proof beyond a statement that something happened. It’s devastating for the entire family, but one party gets what they want—custody, money, or something else.
Roland: So, William, when people are breaking up, how can someone protect themselves against these false accusations?
William: It’s very difficult, Roland. Rule number one is to check your emotions at the door. It’s crucial to act as a decent human being, prioritize your family’s interests, and take the high road wherever possible. Obviously, consult with your family law attorney to protect your legal interests, but don’t be petty, vindictive, or unnecessarily hurtful.
Most importantly, document everything with specificity. Record any past false accusations, threats to falsely accuse, or dishonesty—especially outside of infidelity. While infidelity alone might not carry weight in court, anything showing the other person as a liar or vindictive is important. If they’ve ever threatened to get you in trouble if you leave, document that. Preserve this evidence and share it with your attorney as early as possible.
Roland: Should someone consider giving up custody or making concessions to avoid the risk of a false accusation in a heated situation?
William: That’s a tough question. It depends on the individual situation and should be decided after consulting with a lawyer. I wouldn’t necessarily advise someone to stop seeing their child—that seems extreme. However, conciliatory gestures, like accommodations around finances, property, or shared responsibilities (e.g., child pick-up/drop-off), might be worth considering. Giving up something minor to gain peace could be a better path, but these decisions should balance personal and legal considerations.
Roland: When people break up, it’s not just child custody where issues arise. We often see accusations come out when someone has a new girlfriend or boyfriend. Doesn’t that happen a lot?
William: Absolutely. For example, if one person moves on while the other hasn’t, it can fuel accusations. Perhaps the first person posts happy photos with their new partner online—holding hands, sipping cocktails—and the former partner decides to use the “nuclear option.”
They might claim that during the marriage, they were sexually assaulted or mistreated, even when there’s no evidence. Sometimes consensual acts from the past—like rough sex or photos/videos—are manipulated to falsely frame someone. If you know such history exists, it’s vital to be cautious, take the high road, and avoid antagonizing the situation.
Roland: Communicating with an ex rarely ends well, doesn’t it?
William: It never does. Social media makes this worse. Groups exist where people share information about exes, which can lead to framing someone for a crime they didn’t commit. If an ex starts spreading rumors or posting threats online, the best approach is to stay silent, avoid engaging, and lay low until things settle. Don’t let your new partner respond, either—that usually escalates the situation.
Ultimately, discretion and good judgment are key. Rubbing a new relationship in an ex’s face is unwise—it’s not illegal, but it’s poor judgment and could provoke false accusations. Unfortunately, we see this happen all too often in our practice.
